Ian (lumpyjoe) wrote,
Ian
lumpyjoe

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Happy Cinco De Whatever

  I am fucking beat.  My friend of 5 years yesterday asked if I had a black eye.  I had to tell her, no, I am just that tired.  I never sleep well anymore.  A combination of stress, sadness, a pressure has left me getting about 5-6 hours of stressful and unproductive sleep every night.   I am over it.

    I had to take the Keiresy personality test other day at school and here some some lowlights of my personality as an "Extrovert, Sensitive, Feeling, Judge":

       "The most social of all types who idealize whatever or whoever they admire"

       "An outstanding host...at social gatherings can be observed attending to the needs of others trying to insure all others are comfortable and involved"

    "They are seldom become a source of irritation to their superiors, for they respect and obey the rules and regulations, are duty and service oriented"

    "They are aware of status and often depends on higher authority as the source of opinions and attitudes"

    " ESFJs wear their hearts on their sleeves and are outgoing in their emotional reactions.  They need to be needed, loved, and appreciated and may spend much energy reassuring themselves that this is the case.  They can become melancholy and depressed and even suicidal if they take take the blame for whatever might be wrong in their institution or their personal relationships-as they are prone to do"

    "They are soft hearted, sentimental...at the same time ESFJs can cause undue tension by expressing doom and gloom exhibiting a bent toward the pessimistic that can be contagious."

     "This type may marry alcoholics or those who are particularly needy."

    Great.  I know half this shit is bullshit but great none the less.

     I am over meeting people.  I went to this party/show deal tonight and it sucked. The band we were there for was good and I saw some old friends from college.  However the reason it sucked because I don't  get along well most people.  I never got out of that adolescent phase of Holden Caulfield where I feel most people are "phonies".  I don't know what to do.  I hate going out, but I hate being at home.  Here's a song:

"My Friend Peter"

I dont care who you've been sleeping with these days
You're outta my hair
It's growing just above my smiling face that I wear
Every night I drink myself to sleep
Not thinking about you
Not thinking about anything at all

I don't care who you've been dining with these days
It's more than fair
Much rather be drinking anyways
With my friend Peter
Who lives so fucking far away
Yet not as far as you
Even though you live right down my fucking street

And I'm tired of sleeping with myself
I'm tired, all these drinks and drugs no longer help
I'm tired of lying about not thinking of you
Maybe my friend Peter can tell me what to do

I dont care who you've been kissing on these days
It's out of my hands
and in my mouth with such a pleasant taste
I need a beer to wash it all away without a trace
And then i'll drink 23 more
To wipe this stupid smile off my fucking face

I'm tired of sleeping with myself
I'm tired, all those drinks and drugs no longer help
I'm tired of lying about not thinking of you
Maybe my friend Peter can tell me what to do


      
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